Dear COVID-19,
I have spent the last week of my life wrestling with thoughts of both panic and calm, both fight and flight, and both rest and unrest. I have struggled to make sense of the devastation you have brought into our world. I have cried tears of sadness over lives lost, over tragedy I’ve never known. And after a friend confided “I don’t think things will ever go back to the way they were before”, I cried oceans worth of tears in fear over the potential implications for our future.
This one sentence penetrated my thoughts and for nearly 2 whole days, it was all I could think about. It overcame every single positive thought I could seem to muster up. In the silence of social distancing, all I could hear was the deafening sound of my worst fears - fears that a life I took for granted may never be possible again.
I have seen and heard some truly terrible things this week. But, determined to not go completely crazy, I sought intentionally each and every day to see beautiful things this week, too. I have hunted and searched and peeked behind every single corner, looked on every dusty shelf, and asked every wise soul I know.
And that is how I came to realize that while my fears are real and valid, I also needed to acknowledge the ways in which I am grateful to you.
Because somehow, tonight, I find myself crying tears of thanksgiving, too.
Thank you for the ways in which you have taught us to appreciate each other and the ways in which we each uniquely serve our community.
From the frontline workers like doctors & nurses to the teachers, the grocery store workers, and sanitation employees - thank you for, in your own crazy crisis way, glorifying and recognizing each of these people as they so deserve to be recognized.
Thank you for forcing us to, for once, look at every single piece of the puzzle as if it were the most valuable.
Thank you for stripping away every single convenience and privilege that I had so that I had no choice but to understand the greatness and vastness of the blessings in my life.
Thank you for reminding me that fresh air and sunshine are a privilege and a gift.
Thank you for somehow giving the necessary push to read books that have sat on the shelf far too long.
Thank you for reminding me that the kind of comfort and rest I find when spending time in God’s word can not be found nor mirrored in things like parties and gatherings.
Thank you for showing me that, despite our differences and our human faults, my community really, truly cares about each other.
Thank you for forcing us to look outside of our own comfort zone to find tangible ways to truly love on our neighbors.
Thank you for teaching me, for the first time in my life, of the importance of the very basics of human connections like handshakes and hugs.
Thank you for knocking me over in such a powerful way that I had no choice but to find myself on my knees, crying out to a God I somedays can’t find myself to trust.
Please, please, leave soon, in as quick of a flurry as you came. Please spare the lives of our community and our world. But please, don’t leave “normal” in your wake as you go.
I have never in my lifetime witnessed anything like the mass devastation and torture that you, coronavirus, have brought upon us. And frankly, I hope I never will again.